The rumours of my joke explaining, by the way, have been much exaggerated. When I’m around such wits as yourselves, the jokes run so thick that it’s hard to keep track of what’s intended and what’s simply nature taking its course. You guys drop gold like trees drop leaves — only all year round.

For the sake of propriety, I’m restraining myself from cracking some pretty poor-taste jokes about the image a giant, golden tower showering a city with ‘fairy dust’ evokes. Or making Austin Powers references. Or generally pointing out that an enormous glowing phallus is amusing in any way, shape, or form. In any case, you wouldn’t be here to explain such jokes for the sake of ancilliary funniness, so there’s not really much of a point.

Seriously. We miss you and your joke-explaining ways. Enough of this gadding about, Sebastapol! Get back here!